5 Things you can do to reduce anxiety levels
Simple steps you can take to lower anxiety and improve your quality of life.
1) Reframe your thoughts.
More often than not, we increase and perpetuate our own high anxiety levels with irrational thoughts. We feed ourselves toxic, fear based thoughts and never bother to reality test them. An example I often use with my clients is this: You’re told you have a test. The first thought most people have is, “I’m going to fail!” Automatically, that thought takes you to a place of despair and panic. The despair and panic then feeds on itself, and before you know it, you’re obsessing and fretting mercilessly about that test. Why? Because you’ve programmed into your head that you will fail.
Instead, what would happen if after that toxic idea that you’d fail, you reality tested yourself. Instead, you asked yourself, “Will I really fail or am I just afraid I will fail?” Chances are, you’ll realize it’s just your fear giving you the idea of failure. Truthfully, you’re not nearly as out of control of the situation as you think you are. Suddenly, the conversation inside your head begins to change. By reality checking toxic and irrational thoughts, you begin to deescalate yourself, taking yourself to a less agitated place.
Ultimately, it might look something like this: You’re told you have a test. Your response could be, “While I’m not looking forward to it, I know I can prepare for it and do what I can to be successful.” The subsequent emotional content from that thought would be quite different. The anxiety will still be present, as would be expected, but the level of the anxiety would be manageable and more appropriate for the situation.
2) Stop getting anxious about your anxiety
Somewhere along the line, people started to think that they should never feel anxious. Anxiety became a terminal condition that everyone started to avoid at all costs. But guess what? Anxiety is a normal response to certain situations. I often have clients come in and ask, “How do I make this feeling stop!?” They’re often a little surprised when I say, “Why do you need to make it stop? Isn’t it possible that you’re having a normal response to the situation?” When people think they shouldn’t be feeling a certain way, i.e., anxious, their anxiety increases because they think they’re having some sort of pathological or abnormal response. Once a person realizes that the way they’re feeling is normal under the circumstances, the anxiety levels automatically decrease. Remember, not all anxiety is disordered.
3) Set limits for yourself
Setting limits is actually an entire blog post of its own. Yet, it absolutely relates to anxiety levels, which is why it is included here. If we don’t set limits for ourselves, we take on too much, we do too much and we go too far. Before we know it, we’re over scheduled and maxed out, breaking under the demands we’ve set…for ourselves. Perfectionists and over achievers do this to themselves all the time. Interestingly, perfectionists and over achievers often have high anxiety levels. Some of their anxiety may be self generated. Once a person puts themselves in the chaotic space they’ve created by not setting limits, anxiety levels soar. Often, people think if they don’t take on everything that comes their way, they’re somehow not motivated enough, not driven, etc. The more we over extend, the more likely it is that we won’t do our best or we’ll make more mistakes. This increases anxiety even further. So, by setting limits for ourselves and knowing what we can and cannot reasonably do, we not only reduce our anxiety, but it’s also a built in quality control mechanism.
4) Set limits with those around you
This one is related to number 3. But, where number 3 relates to how much we take on as far as projects, work, etc. Setting limits with those around us, is a different kind of limit. This is a hard one for most people. It’s also particularly tricky for people when it relates to family obligations. We are often made to feel that if we don’t give those around us what they need or what they want from us, we’re being selfish. Of course, this isn’t true, but it is what has been programmed into us. Contrary to what many believe, the psychological well does have a bottom. And it’s up to us to say when someone has tried to take too much. Often, we feed into the disappointment of others when we can’t fulfill their needs. Subsequently, we feel guilty and then wind up doing all kinds of things we really didn’t want to do.
A perfect example is this: A family member asks you to visit. You agree to go for a weekend. The response from the family member is, “Oh, can’t you stay longer? It would be so nice if you could. I just really want more time with you.” If you’re not good at setting boundaries and you feed into the disappointment, you’ll add on a few days, or go back and forth trying to make it work for them. You’ll then feel resentful and stressed. Once again, the anxiety levels increase.
Instead, try, “No, unfortunately, I can’t stay longer but I am really looking forward to being with you for the time we do have.” In this case, your anxiety will probably increase a little bit when you set that limit, but ultimately, you won’t wind up feeling invaded or put upon. Your anxiety levels will be lower than they would have been if you gratified the other person. So, you’re still going for the visit. You’re still honoring the request and being kind, but what you’re not doing, is self sacrifice. By saying to yourself, “This is where I end and you begin.” you differentiate what your needs are, vs what their needs are, and you find a comfortable space within that framework.
Believe it or not, when you’re good at setting limits, your relationships actually improve because they’re healthier and more satisfying..for everyone.
5) Be mindful and don’t catch…The Anxiety Flu
Anxiety is contagious. Most people aren’t aware of it and don’t even know it’s happening. Have you ever walked into a room with an anxious person? Initially, you’re feeling fine, but strangely when you leave that room, you’re feeling agitated, restless and anxious and you don’t know why. You just absorbed their content. Try spending the next week being mindful of how people and their moods are affecting you. When a client I work with is talking about a stressful situation with another person, something I always ask that client is, “Is it yours or is it theirs?” Meaning—whose content is it? This is not to absolve someone of their own responsibility in a challenging situation. What it is, is a way of being mindful and aware of what’s really happening. Anxiety is hard enough to manage when it’s your own. When it’s someone else’s that you “caught”, it’s even harder since it’s free floating and not anchored in anything that’s real…for you.
The concepts presented in this article are for educational purposes only and are not meant to replace professional psychotherapy services. If you are suffering from severe anxiety or depression you should seek the help of a licensed, qualified mental health professional.
Dianna Stak, LCSW is a practicing psychotherapist in Orange County, California who provides counseling and psychotherapy to individuals, couples, families and groups in person and online. Email for more information: info@diannastark.com